Wherever there is profit, virtue is taken lightly.

You know what would have been more succinct? If my cookie fortune had have just said Capitalism. But maybe that’s not the message I was destined to take from the scroll.

I can’t argue the point, it’s quite often true that people will abandon good intention when the numbers increase on a bank statement. So I have to think about some way in which this has affected me.

Got it, Futurama. What the hell happened there? The first three seasons were gold then we got treated to the fourth and final, for a time at least,  season punctuated with some of the most depressing cartoons of this young century.

Jurassic Bark – Fry and his dog and I can’t even think about this episode without tearing up,

Leela’s Homeworld – where she finds out what happened to her parents (oh, especially that bit where she doesn’t see them but they’re leaving presents and doing things for her), and

The Sting – with all the honey, and the death.

Three episodes that tell me the creators lost their humour and got all serious with it because, well, they could. They had a captive audience and they took advantage. They capitalised on my willingness to watch faithfully, my want for nothing more than cartoons on telly.

But did it work out for them? Well you could argue that yes indeed it did. I’m still thinking about those episodes now, even typing openly about them. You might even search those listed titles or feel intrigued to watch them. Alternatively, you might want to rinse the images with earlier, funnier episodes.

As for the cookie fortune though I’m of the opinion that the creators sold their virtue up the river (of tears) because they were on a good tip. For what its worth, I haven’t watched much of the new stuff for fear of being burned again. I have cartoon options, I’m not exposing myself to possible harm for the sake of nostalgia.

Lucky Numbers: 8, 13, 15, 19, 24, 27

8: is quite a lovely looking number

13: everyone thinks it’s cool, so there’s probably someone making money out of it

You can be a winner if you try.

What I find funny about this is that I tore the paper when prying it out of the cookie. Also a little bit of this …

I agree, cookie fortune. The act of trying is success in it own right, true? But what to try? Why not just try almost everything? I could have the potential to win limitlessly, the only boundary being my own failure to try.

This fortune has reminded me of my favourite parental lesson, taught to me by my step dad – clearly the coolest and smartest man to ever live, he loves my Mum and she is awesome.  When I would ask whether or not he thought I could do something, or whether I’d be any good at any particular thing, he would always question why I doubted myself. He’d counter me by asking me “why not?”

Although I’ve never achieved massively impressive things in my life, at my thirtieth birthday I was congratulated for merely making it to this age, apparently my ability to continue breathing is amazing to some people.

But when I’m in a moment of desperation, of self doubt and borderline self directed bullying, my step dads voice pops in my head asking “why not?” His voice talking me through my first big job interview. And his voice saying “way to go!“ when I told him I landed it.

The sound is coupled with images of photographic quality of he and I building a chicken coup Mum nicknamed Palazzo Verchookie. Another of he and I digging up Mum’s back yard to landscape it the way she wanted it. And another of he and I rebuilding the decking of their house.

If I can be a winner if I try, good, I’ll continue to try. Fact is, with what I have learned from having a step dad like mine, I’m already a winner.

Lucky Numbers: 2, 8, 15, 20, 23, 32

15: the number of boobs Homer saw on the Spring Break episode of the Simpsons

23 & 32: it’s a palindrome

A smile will gain you ten more years of life.

This is excellent news. Immortality is within reach! But if I smile too much, this think could soon get out of hand.There must be a control mechanism to this facial expression life extension.

So a smile will award me ten more years life. I take it that a frown will cost me ten years and a blank face will give me nothing. I might have to keep a log of remarkable interactions throughout each day so that of an evening I can do the maths.

Smiled three times, frowned once, spent the rest of the day in blank stare out window. 30 – 10 = 20 years gained.

There’s the very basic demonstration of what I might have to track, what a depressing day if I only smiled three times. And how unrealistic to only frown once.

But what kind of smile really gains ten years? It is the genuine smiles? Is it a polite, neighbourly type smile which means nothing more than I’m not a threat. And what of laughter? I must also consider that I’m a frowny thinker, I could actually cease to exist on a particularly thoughtful day.

Good grief, is this cookie fortune, this gift of potential everlasting life really a curse?

On the positive side, it affords me many many years to figure out what it is I’d actually like to do. Given my chronic procrastination and fear of commitment I’ll either never decide and the gift of time will be wasted on me, or I’ll try doing anything that spends five minutes in my head as a great idea with a reduced fear of confinement.

Immortality, gift or curse? Both options allow for compelling arguments. Ultimately, I don’t have to live forever, I could chose the life of the curmudgeon once I’d had enough, withdraw all those deposited smiles. But damn it’s nice know I have the entry ticket to a life everlasting!

Lucky (equation) Numbers: 32(s), 25(f), 11(b), 9(s), 6(f), 26(b)

(32 + 9) – (25 + 6) = 10 years gained

You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.

I am a consumer of our public health system. I don’t have any private health insurance. What can I say? I’m an optimist. A miserly optimist.

Recently though my optimism has taken a downward turn due to intermittent tooth aches. It’s really quite difficult to sustain a smile when your mouth endures such agony. I know what I must do to rebuild my happiness, I must see a dentist.

However, being seen by a dentist is truly an expensive exercise. I could reduce the expense if I had private health insurance. But is this really fact given the cost of insurance? You see the conundrum.

Am I denying the dentist profound wealth by my non compliance with logic?

Am I defying the common sense of health insurance by keeping my purse sealed?

Am I right now searching for a hammer to fix this sore tooth myself?

No, no, and yes probably.

If it were true that either dentist or insurance really felt some void by my not contributing to their profits, then this cookie fortune would be spot on. As I see it, I’d be destroying the rich dentist and CEO by continuing as I am right now. But I’d be continuing as I am right now, which does not help me (the poor).

I have options (and pain killers), but I think the path here is clear. I may just have to concede defeat, weep for the significant drop in savings and go get this tooth looked at. Then again I may just have to punch it. Neesh.

Lucky Numbers: 8, 14, 16, 23, 25, 40

8: another of my lucky numbers

16: it’s 61 backwards, don’t you know!

25: the age I was when I first damaged the tooth in question, biting into a gigantic lollipop

Executive ability is prominent in your make up.

Given it’s nine-thirty pm and I sit here looking like a panda, I can’t take this message literally. I’m certain that executive ability includes forward planning, or, at least, ability to foresee or predict future issues. Therefore, I would take it that a prominent executive ability might be to apply make up efficiently in the first place, and thus avoid ending the day looking like this guy …

Think harder. Ok, I spent the day at work thinking about comic books and dancing like a robot to The Beastie Boys while sitting at my desk . So executive ability is superhero ability, and make up is engineering. Obviously this cookie wants me to consider how my superhero ability would be prominent in my robotic build.

To me it’s no secret that my superhero self would be Indeciso due to my complete ineptitude when a decision must be made. The ability itself would be to thwart my enemies without a single blow.All it would take is for that enemy to ask a simple question. There are so many possible answers to questions. It’s agonising!

I’d enter battle with my nemesis (possibly el Sensible of The Logicons), but start a war inside my own head between left and right hemispheres of the brain (yep, ‘the’ I don’t own that guy). El Sensible would soon grow weary or confused by this and ask if perhaps there was a better time to dual. Posing another question which would, of course, prolong any outcome and blow the budget for this project right out of the water.

And all of this would be made possible because this is a prominent feature of the blueprint to the engineering behind my robot self, Confusitron. Also, Super Disco Breakin would play in the background. Confusing, no? Soundtracks are for wrestlers, not robotic superheros!

You can easily live in a world of endless possibilities when you’re unable to make a decision. Alas, executives are generally decisive types so I can probably (as opposed to possibly) surmise that tonight’s fortune may have been better placed in someone else’s cookie.

Lucky Numbers: 5, 21, 24, 26, 39, 41

21: the age I was ten years ago

39: the number of the house I grew up in

41: (not surprisingly) the age I’ll be ten years in the future

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

I have a fortune cookie almost every night for dessert. I have three pay off’s from this habit; insulin spike before bedtime, lucky numbers, and a usually insightful message. It fascinates me how the paper messages Kong Foo Sing stuff into their addictive biscuits can sum up something from my day, every day.

How does it know? All I can put it down to is that something wonderful happens in the Universe when I crack the little cookie beak.

Tonight I got this lengthy sentence presumably about the duplicity of humans, or maybe the best intentions, etc. I interpreted the message as one that can be tied back to a book I finished reading today which was a treacherous waste of time, The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall. Don’t bother reading it, it’s 599 pages of nothingness and I’m sad that I even spent $5.00 on it.

The three protagonists each wants to be good, may play with the idea of being not so good or at least not all the time, like the cookie suggests. I know I wanted the book to be good. I carried the damn thing with me on the tram too and from work everyday for a few weeks.

My compulsion to finish was based on my want for this story to become, well, a story. To be in some way linear, or purposeful. Something I could smile about on reflection in a weeks time or so. Instead it lead me to the second half of my cookie fortune … to be not too good, and not quite all of the time. I wrote a terrible review, or, as some might say, an attack and posted it on Goodreads…

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/315513862

So all in all it was not a really insightful paper message, but I did feel the cartoon think bubble pop when the cookie went snap.

Lucky Numbers: 32, 25, 11, 9, 6, 26

25; today’s date

11; legs eleven!

9; is one of my lucky numbers